That son-of-a-bitch's cousin came back this weekend to claim some revenge.
Its plan was decent enough: Wait till I am naked, unarmed and completely unassuming in the safety of the bathroom in my empty apartment, with no one around to help me or even hear me cry for help. He thought he was safe, crouching along the side of the tub in the dark corner of the room, partially veiled by the shadow of the shower curtain.
As I drew back the curtain to suddenly reveal his hideous form...
|. jesus christ .|
.... he made his move!
I MEAN. GOOD GOD. I don't need to describe its girth- you can clearly see the shower drain in there for scale. This is no joke people!
Too bad for him and all of his enormous limbs, he forgot to consider the fact that he was perilously close to a drain, and that I had ready access to water. So I washed his ass down the drain! But I swear to god guys, he tried to CLIMB BACK OUT. With his huge arms! Like at the end of [insert title of any action/horror/suspense movie ever] where you think the bad guy is dead, but in reality he's not quite dead yet and is coming back for one more go. It was momentarily TERRIFYING till I, again, remembered which one of us was in charge of the situation and turned on the spout.
Guess he never heard that classic warning song for arachnids - The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Or maybe he thought it didn't apply to him, since he was neither itsy nor bitsy.
In any case, I live to