That Shet I Don't Like About Traveling

Having just gotten back from a cross-country trip to/from Massachusetts, I've got some freshies in my head when it comes to some things that really grind my gears when traveling.

This is just some of that shet I don't like about getting from hither to yon:

- Businessmen going through the first class line. I hate them and want to punch them all in the throats. Specifically when they're wearing light colored khakis with a navy blue blazer with gold buttons on the cuffs. That outfit especially makes me want to make you choke on your company-bought smart phone.

- Layovers that are less than an hour long. It's just too damn stressful to get to your connecting flights with a layover that short.

- People who take up more than their 1 single purchased seat. Just because I don't take up the entire width of my seat doesn't mean I need you to help me fill in the rest of the space. I don't understand how on earth you'd think it's appropriate to be in my seat. How many times do our never-met-before bodies need to touch each other before you realize you're invading someone else's personal space in what is already a claustrophobic environment? Totally effing rude. PUSH. OVER.

- People who need to be told multiple times to power down their electronics or put their seats upright. Why can't people follow basic instructions? The flight attendant isn't your babysitter. Do you need her to follow you into the restroom and remind you a few times to wipe ya bum as well??

- People who - despite being seated in the back of the plane with at least 120 people in front of them who are not moving anytime soon - insist upon standing up in the aisle immediately to get their bags from the overhead compartment when we pull up to the jetway. If you're wondering, on my last flight the same schmuck was guilty of BOTH of the last two offenses.

- People who insist upon talking about themselves to the poor stranger beside them for an entire flight. After listening to one particular ass clown rattle on about himself for most of a 2-hour flight, I turned around to glance at his "listener" who was gazing out the window in the saddest way, just trying to ignore the person talking at him. Dude, he doesn't want to hear about your budding music career or your experiences playing at a dry wedding in Pennsylvania or your "affinity for dogs"... and neither do the rest of us. You gotta know your audience, brah. And on this plane, your audience is a ton of strangers who want you to shut the crap up.

- Silver Linings Playbook. Saw it on the TV on the plane. Didn't care for it. I don't like it when movie-makers expect us to believe that two people "fall in love" after only speaking a couple of times. Or, in the case of Silver Linings Playbook, after speaking once. It's lazy story-writing and I refuse to just overlook it and suspend my disbelief when it's the basis of your entire movie. SAWRY.

- People who bring onion-ladden or other stinky foods onto the plane to eat in very close quarters. I only did this one time on a bus a few years ago before I realized it was a bad idea for everyone involved. On my last flight, a woman literally brought sushi to eat. Sushi! Were you trying to win a contest for who could bring the most awkward food onto a flight?? GAH.

- People who use the entire width of an escalator. To stand still. In an airport. Where everyone is in a rush to either get to their next flight or get the fuck home. You're an inconsiderate asshole.

Here's something I do like... a lot:

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