But I don't want it to be that way. I like blogging - or at least I did. It's a great hobby, generally. A good way to keep writing, a good reason to hone my photography skills, a good way to keep a little record of my life. In Vancouver it was also a good way to make new friends, though that aspect of blogging has yet to trickle over into my new Boston life.
... The scary part is that my Boston life isn't even really that "new" anymore. I feel like something in my life should have made more forward progress by now, but instead my bedroom still isn't even really finished being "put together." I have stacks of random photos all over my bedroom because my life feels so uncertain that I'm scared to commit to hanging anything onto my walls. There's still no living room furniture in my apartment. Part of me feels like I'm relying on my friends too much for stimulation, rather than working on making myself feel more complete and capable and self-sufficient. I should be taking up some new hobby, like the guitar or meditation or yoga. Actually, don't even get me started on the topic of physical activity like yoga, because it's just a reminder that I'm unable to workout due to the neck/shoulder/arm/back pain I've been dealing with since the summer. My life this month has been a series of trips back and forth to the chiropractor in Cambridge, twice a week, an hour each way, for 15-minute appointments that may or may not even be helping. Only over the last few days have I been able to fall asleep without pain medication or muscle relaxers.
This still doesn't even cover all the things going through my mind lately. It's really been a rough week/month/year. Making it all just a little bit rougher is the fact that my 30th birthday is just a few short weeks away. Six months ago, that wouldn't have been a big deal to me at all - I'd have felt pretty decent about it, like my life was ready for me to turn 30. Now I feel like everything is off-track, like I'm entering my 30's in a panic rather than a party. It doesn't feel like a cause for celebration, that's for sure.
Believe it or not, I started this post with the intention of just sharing these pretty fall leaf pictures. Apparently I needed to share some feeeeeels, too. Hope you guys don't mind. I don't have a tidy conclusion to my stream-of-consciousness blah's or an easy segue into my leaf pictures, but... um... here, look at these now:
Have any cheerful thoughts or gigg-worthy memes or videos to share with me to relieve me of some of my Debbies? Please, for the love of god, leave me something to smile about in the comments below.