Argyle Nail FAIL.

So on Monday I posted a blog with a picture of some leopard print nails that I had done. When I posted my blog on Facebook, I got a comment from a cousin urging me to check out Pinterest for more nail designs. I'd been on Pinterest plenty in the past for my job, but only very recently did I create my own personal account and start checking out non diet/fitness/motivation-related Pins. I'd been looking at fashion and hair Pins, but hadn't thought to look for any nail designs yet. Upon my cousin's suggestion, I immediately headed over to Pinterest to browse (endlessly, obvi) through nail looks.

It was a great suggestion, and if you're on Pinterest yourself then I probably don't need to tell you that I spent a good amount of time scrolling, pinning and liking. I found an awesome argyle nail look which reminded me that I'd just recently watched this video tutorial on how to do argyle nails:

Cutepolish, the YouTuber who owns the channel, made it look really easy so I figured I could do it myself...

Armed with total confidence, I pulled out a few nail polishes and got started on recreating the look.

Step one:  Paint my nails two coats of my base colors.

Things started off innocently enough. Got my nails painted their base coats - the blue is Dreamer by Revlon and the brown is Case Study by Essie. At this point I hadn't made any knicks, dents, smears or any other uh-ohs that would would muck up my design. Things would certainly progress just as smoothly from here...

Step 2: Use a tool of some sort to make an "X" through each nail, using the "other" color (i.e. brown X on the blue nails, blue X on the brown nails).

*Looks around for "tool of some sort to make an X"... *

I was sure I'd snagged a wrapped toothpick from the Thai restaurant the other night, thinking I'd use it in the future as a nail tool...

*Curses and mutters under breath*

Alright, well no toothpick, but I did have this bobby pin I could use as a substitute...

Not exactly what I need - it doesn't have a very accurate "point" at the tip (that's what she said) but I'll give it a go.

I dipped my bobby pin into my nail polish and got to making my X's. It took me only about one single pinky nail to realize that my X's were, um.... not looking so hot. WTF cutepolish? You never said it would be like this... I forged ahead and completed my "X's" (if you want to call them that), and then I filled the X's in. Ay yi yi:

My X's were on the same drugs that Salvador Dali was on. I mean seriously. Was there a small human being tap-dancing on my hands while I was painting this?? You might even be astute enough to notice that that's a picture of my left hand - meaning I painted those nails with my dominant hand. I took a picture of my right hand as well, but you don't need to see that.

You know what? I thought. These might look a litte bit busted right now, but as soon as I add the final white line details these nails are going to SING, and no one looking at them won't be able to say, "Damn girl! Those are some argyled nails!"

And so against my better judgement.... I proceeded to step 3...

Step 3: Add those thin white diagonal lines that make people recognize this print as argyle.

Once again I'm in need of a pointy-tipped tool and all I have is my stupid ghetto bobby pin. It really didn't do me any favors when I used it for my "X's" so I was #SHALLWESAY hesitant to use it again for these thin white lines. After all, this was the detail that would bring my nail look from Hella Cray to Heidi Klum.

This is where things REALLY GOT INTERESTING, as I explored my apartment for things I could use instead of my bobby pin. How I decided that a Q-Tip would do the trick is beyond me. I used scissors to cut the fluffy end off a Q-Tip and dipped the stick part of it into my white paint, preparing to criss-cross my design with some really clean lines.

And then this happened:

Now you might be saying, "Oh, so you decided to invite a bird in to poop on your fingers while you were painting? Interesting move."

I have absolutely no great excuse for how on earth the white paint did what it did there. Rest assured, I stopped at this point and conceded defeat. My nails didn't really do anything to deserve this from me, so I didn't think I needed to subject the other 8 to the same treatment.

So there you have it guys - what NOT to do when you're trying to paint argyle nails with very distinct, clean lines.

In conclusion, I recommend a few things:

a) Not using my last picture there as an inspiration for any of your "final looks," unless you're being ironic and using it as a statement against widely accepted and perpetuated beauty standards in our modern times.

b) Investing in a toothpick.

c) Keeping copious amounts of nail polish remover on hand.

Stay tuned, because surely I'll master this nail polish design some day!