Big Changes on the Horizon

So I've been totally putting off writing this blog post for as long as possible because... well because honestly it sucks and I'm still having a pretty rough time digesting it myself. Nevertheless, it needs to be addressed, and that's got to happen sometime. I'll try doing it now.

Earlier this summer, Dave made the decision to end our relationship of nearly 7 years. I'm not going to go into the details of it all because I'm not a teenager and this is not a diary, but one of the most important things to know is that we have been best friends for a long time now - and that hasn't changed. Not yet, anyway. I'm heartbroken, but I'm not angry. Well. Maybe a tiny bit angry. But I imagine that just makes me more of a human than a robot.

With that massive "uncoupling" news in an itty bitty nutshell, there are going to be some big changes coming up for my life in the coming weeks.

Those changes will start with a cross-country move back to Massachusetts, which means - among many other things - a new home for me. For this, I took to Craigslist to look through the listings of Boston's many suburbs for a suitable apartment in which to embark on my new life path.

I've never lived alone before, but it was a pretty serious consideration for me for my "next step." I always thought I'd live alone at some point in my life, and there have been times over the last decade or so that a small wave of disappointment has washed over me upon realizing this had never come to fruition. Unfortunately, as my search for a Boston-based apartment escalated, it became clear to me that I could only afford to live alone if it was in a relatively crappy apartment or neighborhood, or somewhere so far outside Boston that it would be difficult for me to get into the city.

After some re-structuring of my expectations, my search began to include apartments with potential roommates - roommates I would not know, roommates who I would not meet in person before moving in, since my apartment search was happening from Vancouver. Luckily, I have some of the best friends in the entire world, and my friend Kara (who lives in Cambridge, MA) offered to check out any apartments/roommates in person for me. (By the way, it's become clear to me over the last month that there is no shame in asking for help from people right now.)

Eventually I found an apartment listing that was in my price range, looked big and clean, and had a great location a short walk from a T station (the Boston subway system) and a small reservation land. The apartment building also boasted a pool and a gym, and the young woman living in the apartment (my future roommate) is a professional who certainly seemed nice and polite when we Facetimed as Kara checked out the apartment.

Long story short - I'm moving in to my new Medford apartment this weekend with my new roommate Helen.

Today is actually my last day in Vancouver - a city which, as you've likely noticed, has won me over completely over the last 22 months. This is my favorite place that I've ever lived, and I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to call it my home. The stunning mountain views, endless hiking opportunities, palm trees, beaches, English Bay, bald eagles (my goodness, all the eagles!), restaurants, shopping, huge ships, gorgeous flowers, enormous trees, friendly and inspiring blogging community... I have to keep reminding myself that this was all going to end soon anyway. Our permits for being allowed to live in Canada were to expire at the end of December 2014 when Dave's schooling is to end. But obviously, this isn't the way I'd prefer to be leaving.  

Nevertheless, it's happening. We drove a car-load of my belongings down to Seattle this weekend to send them off to Massachusetts via Amtrak... now I just have to send myself. And there's a one-way ticket with my name on it for a red-eye flight tonight.

So. That's the big news with me and my life right now. Huge and somewhat abrupt life changes like this are never easy, so I'm giving myself permission to say without shame that it mostly sucks. It's going to be excruciating to no longer see David everyday and to let go of all the hopes/plans/expectations I had for the two of us... but I have to believe it will become easier with time. Wish me luck and please forgive any lapses in posting over the next couple of weeks as my life in Massachusetts begins to fall into place. Look forward to pictures and stories from a new city here on my blog.

And now..... just so you know I'm still "me" even though my heart is broken and I'm feeling terrified, here is a nice caps lock hashtag from The Bright Side:  #DUNKINDONUTSHEREICOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!!

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