My Body Is Rebelling Against Me

Today's blog is a big EFF YOU to my body, so please only continue reading if you want to hear some whining. I never would have supposed that you guys like to read this kind of stuff, but the feedback I got on my last un-sunshiney post let me know that it's OK to use my blog for venting, if needed. That said... it's time for me to talk some serious shit to my body, because it has been slowly FAILING me this past half a year or so. Fair warning: There is some talk of "lady things" in this blog. Proceed at your own risk.

Let's start with the infamous and much-lamented Shoulder/Neck/Arm Pain that I've been battling since late July (which, over the course of the last several months, has transitioned from super painful to simply disturbing, because it's making parts of my arm/hand numb throughout the day). Trying to avoid expensive medical bills from an MRI, I attempted 12 sessions with a chiropractor this fall to see if it would help. It did help... but only because I wasn't using my body for anything strenuous in the meantime. (I'd stopped going to the gym, afraid to aggravate the pain.) Now that I'm trying to workout again, the ache is back in full force and the tingling/numbing is getting worse. Time to see an orthopedic doctor to get this shit solved once and for all. I have an appointment on Wednesday and I expect some damn answers!

Next, remember the Cyst and Infection that took up host in my body back in August? That mothereffer came out of NOWHERE and knocked me down pretty hard, physically and emotionally. Having just moved across the country alone with an absolutely shattered heart, the last thing I needed was an excruciating pain in a very sensitive part of my body to keep me lying in a hot bath tub for a week, sobbing uncontrollably and using up mad electricity to keep that water hot. I didn't go into the details of having the infection treated (because... ew), but that was damn near traumatizing, too. To boot, I've read that this type of cyst is prone to repeat appearances. So there's THAT to look forward to. God dammit.

And hey, now let's talk about some freshly Bizarre Menstrual Cycles that have otherwise been incredibly stable and predictable for the last 10+ years. It's been a damn dog's age since I've been surprised by my period (I track that shit like a boss), but I've gotten it five times now in the last three months... most recently, for 3 weeks and counting. DA fahk?? What am I supposed to do with that?!?!? WHAT IS GOING ON.

In other "falling apart" news, I Freaking Fainted a few weeks ago after experiencing some out-of-nowhere abdominal pains. Now, I'm absolutely prone to fainting, so fainting itself isn't new for me. But it was still a shitty afternoon activity, especially while I was alone at my apartment. Fortunately, I was on my bed when it happened, so at least I didn't fall on my face or anything (which I have done in the past). And those abdominal pains? Probably absolutely nothing because they were gone within 20 minutes of me coming to. They were just enough to scare me into fainting.

Finally (I HOPE), there's been an Ache in My Lower Spine that's gradually become worse since August. Over the last few months, I've continued to try to convince myself that there were logical reasons why my back would hurt in that spot, but I've hit a wall with that wishful thinking; there's no good explanation at this point. I'm going to have the orthopedic doctor I see on Wednesday inspect this, too. Mystery spine pain is terrifying.

I've struggled with anxieties my whole life, but none so much as my health-related anxieties. I'm a hypochondriac (my mother - a nurse - will confirm this with a chuckle, even though I don't think it's funny at all), but part of my toolbox of coping skills involves trying to assure myself that the mystery pains I feel in my body are probably nothing.  And usually, that's right. Usually, they're nothing. But it's becoming REALLY hard to convince myself that I'm totally healthy lately. I feel like I'm actually falling apart.

Complaining is not my favorite thing to do, but you wouldn't know it by speaking to me at any point during the last six months. I feel like I'm the worst person to know, the worst person to be friends with, the worst person to listen to. Now I'm even complaining about complaining. BUT HEY, you asked for it ;)

Thanks for letting me do some body-bitching. Hopefully the orthopedic doctor I see on Wednesday begins to answer at least some of these questions for me...

I hope YOU'RE in good health! If you're not, please feel free to do some bitching of your own in the comments. We can commiserate.

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