Monday, October 22, 2012

That Shet I Don't Like

Here's some of that shet I don't like:

- Neighbors using the hallway as a substitute playground for their small, noisy children. Literally bringing small basketball hoops out into the hallway to play with their kids, as well as staging (and participating in) actual sprinting races up and down the hall. One word: echo. A few more words: Your noise is loud as shet inside my apartment. The communal hallway of your apartment building is not the place for field day, any more than it's the place for me to come out and blast Stankonia from my speakers. Your poor child needs to go outside to have this sort of fun with you. I know we live in Vancouver and it's raining outside - that's why Wal-Mart sells ponchos and galoshes in both yours and your child's sizes.

- Ordering eggs over-medium and receiving eggs over-easy. I've already mentioned how often you can find me at a breakfast place on a Saturday morning, so I run into this problem often. I never knew there were so many uncertain cooks working at breakfast joints. Look, I totally understand if it's your first time frying an egg and you're all, "Ahhh I'm not sure, I think it might be at just about over-medium but gahhhh what if it's just about to be over-hard?! WE GOTTA GET THIS EGG OFF THE GRIDDLE, STAT!" You panic, you prematurely take the egg off the heat, I get an over-easy egg. I can let that slide once or twice.... hell, I'm not a great cook - I'd let that slide at least 3 times because I know you'll eventually get the hang of it and get to be really adept at knowing when an egg is over-medium. But dude... it's not your first day. You're a weekend cook at a breakfast diner - you're supposed to know what you're doing at this point! You should be able to give me an over-medium egg in your freaking sleep. YOU SHOULD HAVE THIS. Go home and practice.

- Laundry. What the feck. Why do I have to do laundry, whyyyyyyy can't it just do itselffffffffffff?

- Cooking. I feel the same about cooking as I do about laundry.

- These bugs. I don't want to alarm you, but I saw a mini-version of one of these the other day in our bathroom. It was small enough that I couldn't make out all of its creepy little legs very clearly, but could still see how freaking fast it moves, which is by far the scariest thing about these bugs. I kind of want to throw up even thinking about it. Blagh!

- Football pre-game shows and post-game shows. Are you kidding me? Three hours of different men in suits just shooting the shet about what might happen later in the big game, then three hours of a football game (with ridiculous commentary throughout, including gems like, "Now, they're going to want to get that football into the endzone here, if they want to score a touchdown"), and then several MORE HOURS of the same suited men shooting the shet about what we all just watched??? It's too much, guys. It's overkill. And it's unnecessarily testing the patience of every woman in the world on Sundays. I'm serious.

And that's that shet I don't like. Here's something I do like - a lot:


  1. hah! completely agreed on all counts. except i haven't had the hallway playground issue since college. and i was probably the offender. no, i was definitely the offender.

  2. THAT BUG!! Eck! Gross... I'm kind of freaking out now...


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